Why is love a choice and not an emotion? The emotional component of
love that we associate with feeling "loving" isn't consistent. For a
relationship to be solid, there has to be consistency. Choosing to love
means one will choose actions that demonstrate love regardless of the
emotion that is felt. Here are five things that you
choose to do when you love someone whether you are feeling angry,
disappointed, distant, hurt, upset, loving, irritated, happy, unhappy or
anything else:
1. You act in a way that is in the person's best interest. When
you love someone, you have goodwill toward that person and act in a way
that supports and cares. You do not purposefully bring harm or ill will
toward them. You want to see the person happy, successful, secure, and
fulfilled. Loving someone means you are invested fully in the person's
well being. This is part of the commitment you make to the person when
you enter the relationship
2. You take the person's needs into consideration. It
doesn't mean you always have to do what the person wants or that it is
wrong to put your own needs first. It just means you will consider what
the other person wants and needs as much as you take your own needs into
consideration. It is a balancing act that means you will sometimes
sacrifice your own needs and wants for the other person and other times
decide that you need to put yourself first
3. You work toward understanding the person's viewpoint. Your
own viewpoint makes sense to you, because it is yours. However when you
love someone, it is important that you work toward understanding how
he/she thinks and sees things. That person's opinions and emotions,
albeit often different than yours, are equally important and you need to
put energy into getting what is going on with the person. Part of
feeling loved is to be understood for who you are.
4. You treat the person respectively. No matter how
you feel, you can control how you act. You don't have the right to
mistreat someone just because you are emotionally upset. One of the
worst things you can do in a relationship is to treat your partner with
contempt and disrespect. When you respect your partner, you speak and
act in a way that conveys that the person is valuable to you. God wants
respect in relationships.
5. You are committed to the relationship. If love
were demonstrated only when one had loving feelings, then relationships
would be roller coasters. Commitment is the additive that makes the road
smooth and flat. Commitment means the relationship is bigger than
either one of the partners. The good of the relationship becomes the
goal. The marriage,
relationship, or partnership is more important than either of the
people in it. This helps both people rise above each person's sometimes
competing views and needs. God views marriage
and a committed sexual relationship as an entity. Two become one and the one is a union that is to be cherished and not
broken, if at all possible.
Why is a love a choice and not an emotion? Because, it wouldn't be
love if it depended on the ups and downs of the emotional feeling we
associate with feeling "loving."
No comments:
Post a Comment